The Winner Takes it All??

After an evening of doing my best Bridget Jones impression (you knows the one, PJs, wine, pathetically singing along to ballads) I started to listen to an ABBA playlist (where would we be without YouTube?) The winner takes it all was playing and I was belting it out as if U can actually sing (my poor neighbours) All of a sudden I stopped and blurted out to myself and Audrey my pet bunny who has to sit and listen to all my waffling & ranting that I do. I think if this bunny could talk she could probably be a life coach. Anyway back to what I blurted out….. I asked myself “Does the winner actually take it all?” and also “who actually is the winner in a break up?”

I know from my own recent divorce that it would feel nice to think of myself as the winner and my husband as the loser but as anyone who has had a break up knows if you’re the one that didn’t chose the break up it really does feel like the other took it all. I for one felt like my husband had taken everything when he left me. Even though when I moved out of our home I had all the furniture I can fit in my little flat and had a lump sum settlement as part of our separation agreement I know I didn’t feel like the winner. I can remember during a heated telephone call with him he said to me that I had one & how I had gotten my way. I didn’t see myself as winning or how I had gotten my way at all. At that time I would have happily given it all away to just have my husband back.

But now when I think back I think, was he the winner?? I may have most of the possessions but my life and emotions were empty & raw. It truly felt like my life was in tatter and I suppose to an extent it was. Whereas there he was climbing the career ladder, swanning all over the place, parading his new whore around and no sign of a broken heart, anyone that had seen me said I was a shadow of myself at that time.

So, who actually won?

Is it the person who walked away less broken & pain free or is it the person who had to pick themselves back up, dust themselves off and start a new life?

I know from my experience I learnt a hell of a lot and came out of the situation a strong independent woman that I had forgotten I was.

Personally, I don’t believe there is a winner to take it all. I believe that there’s got to be some hurt for both parties, whether they will admit it or not. You will both come out of the relationship as different people to the one you were when you started the relationship. Back then you were optimistic and full of the joys of love, that amazing honeymoon period we all go through. At the end of the day we would marry and say the vows “til death do us part” if we actually thought we would break up.

It is infinitely sad when anyone breaks up so no there really isn’t a winner. We are losing the person we thought was our soul mate, the person we were going to grow old with. So to answer my own questions, no I don’t believe the winner takes it all because at the end of the days there is no winner to take it all. All w can do is move on and learn from the pain caused and hope to find the soulmate we thought that previous person was. I’m a strong believer that everything happens for a reason so that relationship although it was devastating to end was meant to end for a reason even if that reason was to show me the woman I can be one my own. I’m very proud of this person that I am and I hope whoever reads this looks back at their previous relationships and realises that they have made them stronger and have had a part in making them the person that they are today too.